Horse of the Gods
Name: Shimama
I have mixed emotions about this new pokemon. I definitely like the concept of a lightning horse and the idea fits especially well into a zebra-like pokemon. It’s almost the type of steed I’d expect Zeus to ride in old Greek mythology. But…Yeah, um props to Japanese people for a really original name. After all, shimama sounds nothing like the Japanese for zebra (shimauma). I guess for the English version, we may as well translate it to Zeba. Or maybe, as a cousin to the giraffe pokemon giraffarig, we should call it Zebrarig (just watch-they’ll probably actually name it something stupid like that.)
Next please take a look at this pokemon’s strange multi-colored eyes. Seriously, why is it that all these new pokemon are being heavily drugged? Maybe the pokemon creators are getting bored. Seriously, like I said-I like the concept of this pokemon, but as far as appearance I’ve seen much better fan drawings of Shimama while google searching.
Now, how about its name? Shima means stripe, and ma? Evil. Obviously true. In light of this, I think we can all agree Zeba is a striped demon. Possibly even the antichrist (step aside Obama!)
On the other hand, give the guy a break. After all, Shima could also mean ‘territory of an organized crime gang.’ Clearly that would be preferable to a zebra antichrist! Yes kids, as long as you’re a criminal and not the antichrist, everything will be okay. Ma could be a shortened form of Maa which is basically “Oh!” or “Wow!”
“Wow! This pokemon is a bad example for children!”
Still, I like the idea of this pokemon-it just needs a new name and a different appearance.
The Legend of Zorro(a)
Name: Zoroa
According to my main resource, cerebii.net, this pokemons name is supposed to be a Zorua. However, the Japanese text for the pokemon is clearly ZorOa with an O. So there! Assuming the rest of the site’s information is correct, Zoroa is an ‘evil fox pokemon.’ This statement seems a little redundant. Aren’t all foxes evil? Sure they’re cute, but think back to those beloved childhood stories-foxes are ALWAYS evil. Ok, except for the fox and the hound, and yeah, the Disney Robin Hood-but whose counting those? And you could definitely say Zoroa’s appearance lives up to his description. He does look pretty evil… But I must say- I really like this new pokemon. It has all the makings of a 1st generation or 2nd generation species. In Japanese, Zorori (similar to Zoroa) can either mean “dressed sloppily” or “overdressed for the occasion” (oh those Japanese and their faulty logic). Indeed, the Japanese were right-apparently Zoroa didn’t get the notice mandating the appearance of all new pokemon to be cheesy and/or strange.
And, of course, there’s Zoroa’s secret identity. Imagine you’re Team Rocket, minding your own business, stealing pokemon, just the usual. And out of nowhere, a masked hero (although by the look in his eyes, he could also be a thief-then again what do you know? You’re just a member of Team Rocket-and everyone knows all members are required to be extremely stupid. Oh no, wait, that was the whole pokemon world) slashes a Z on your back. It’s Zorro! I mean, Zoroa. Yes! Believe it! Our beloved Zorro is actually a pokemon. Which makes perfect sense really. After all, Zorro is Spanish for fox.
Please sword fight a Zoroa at your own convenience. It should prove to be a challenge. All this pokemon needs is some boots, a cape, and a hat. Zoroa! In Boots!
Puberty Pokemon
"Kaiba: By the way did you find out what’s wrong with Mokuba?
Kaiba: Oh my god... does that mean?
Doctor: Yes I’m afraid he believes he’s a pokemon
Kaiba: Mokuba! Speak to me!
Mokuba: Bulbasaur!"
-YuGiOh Abridged (go check it out! this quote is from episode 28)
Name: Mijumaru
The nerdy teenager pokemon. I want to take this time to commend the pokemon creators on such strange starter pokemon. Mijumaru is the water starter that takes the form of an otter. Nice try Nintendo, but Mijumaru is clearly a nerdy teenager. Yes, he is also a furry… How positively terrifying… All you have to do is look at its hideous freckles and moody, emo expression. And we all thought pokemon didn’t go through puberty… Censor that 4kids!
Here’s proof: Just look at its name. If miju is the shortened form of mijuku, then Mijumaru’s namesake half means immature or unskilled in Japanese. I could almost picture the voice of Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon coming out of its mouth. Oh! And guess what? One definition of maru is bedpan-meaning, of course, it doubles as a bed pan! How handy! You never know when you might need one of those!
Setting aside its teen-like appearance, I must say “WTF?!” Mijumaru is basically a clown nosed sea otter holding a clam. And for some odd reason a veil of water levitates around it. How strange… Leave it to the Japanese to come up with something like that.
If you don’t want to deal with mood swings, hormones, and rebellion, I beg you not to pick this pokemon as a starter. For a change, why not leave the job of raising and discipline to someone that is older and wiser-instead of you-a 12 year old pokemon trainer who is younger and more stupid.
0 comments:
Post a Comment